so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
