sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
