Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
