You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize