I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
