I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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