Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize