i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
