you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
