Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
