I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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