I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
