i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
