Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
