I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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