What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
