Where is the hickey?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
