We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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