you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
