none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
