Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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