I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
