I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
