so that wasnt chicken after all
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
