Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
