HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
