dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
