Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize