Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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