I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
