guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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