My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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