Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
