3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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