I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
