So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
