The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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