WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
