I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
