can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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