Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
