its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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