New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
