she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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