Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
