I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
