There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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