If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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