toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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