a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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