my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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