Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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