butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
