I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
