I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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