hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
