Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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