just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
