his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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