community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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