Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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