i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
