well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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