Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
