Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i out mim tonsoeep
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