it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
