she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize