That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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