She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
