Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
